Sunday, July 18, 2004

The New East End

The Government's solution to London's chronic housing shortage is to expand the city to the east. However, a lot of people don't really like the idea of living in east London. To tackle this image problem, the Deputy Prime Minister has proposed the "rebranding" of certain districts to make them sound more attractive.
For the first time, TiL can exclusively reveal what the new names will be.
Dagenham --> "MoTown"
Barking --> "Thames Riviera"
Poplar --> "Popular"
West Ham --> "Parma Ham"
Deptford --> "Prudenceford"
Mudchute --> "Chelsea East"
Blackwall --> "Domeview"
Stratford --> "Stratford upon Avon"
Canning Town --> "Candem Town"
Beckton --> "Beckham"
Woolwich Dockyard --> "Marlowe Marina"
Rainham --> "Sunnytown"
And so on. A vast improvement, I think we can all agree.


Blogger Dave said...

Um... wouldn't Beckenham become Beckham? Or is that too far out to be covered by this swathe of renomenclature?

10:28 am  
Blogger Dave said...

On second thoughts, Beckenham's in Kent so it doesn't really count...
...but I hear Bermondsey is now going to be pronounced "Bumsey" by it's exclusive new residents.

8:44 am  
Blogger gawblimeyman said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:33 pm  
Blogger Stephen Newton said...

All good ideas. Up here in the North, the Trafford Centre was built in a place called Dumplington on the edge of the world's largest industrial park. It's been renamed Trafford Quays in an effort to get people to live work there.

3:47 pm  
Blogger Venichka said...

I believe that in what passes for reality, a new housing dev in Dagenham is to be known as "London Riverside". not to mention "Dagenham Vale" station on the DLR extension.#

quite absurd

2:27 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dumplington? I love it. It might as well have been called Ghastleigh or Grime Regis.

4:54 pm  
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