The New East End

The Government's solution to London's chronic housing shortage is to expand the city to the east. However, a lot of people don't really like the idea of living in east London. To tackle this image problem, the Deputy Prime Minister has proposed the "rebranding" of certain districts to make them sound more attractive.
 
For the first time, TiL can exclusively reveal what the new names will be.
 
Dagenham --> "MoTown"
Barking --> "Thames Riviera"
Poplar --> "Popular"
West Ham --> "Parma Ham"
Deptford --> "Prudenceford"
Mudchute --> "Chelsea East"
Blackwall --> "Domeview"
Stratford --> "Stratford upon Avon"
Canning Town --> "Candem Town"
Beckton --> "Beckham"
Woolwich Dockyard --> "Marlowe Marina"
Rainham --> "Sunnytown"
 
And so on. A vast improvement, I think we can all agree.