The Manhole Thieves
Manhole covers are being stolen in Newham. Who are the potential culprits, according to the police?
- Irate feminists insisting that the manholes be renamed personholes.
- Cave-dwelling troglydytes attempting to gather more food.
- Subterranea Britannica on a recruiting drive.
- Jewellers on a hunt for larger, more distinctive "bling"-style meddallions.
- The provisional wing of the Ultimate Frisbee movement.
- Thames Water. Lifting manhole covers consumes valuable time and eats into dividends. This bold initiative would save enough to buy each board member a new golf club.
- The Criminal Underworld. These thefts would make the Underworld much easier to commute from.
posted by Will at 1:17 pm
21 Comments:
I think they're hiding the real story: Thames Water are saving money by making their manhole covers out of crushed Digestive biscuits and grey camoflage paint. They're dissolving in the rain, dammit. Without a single thought of the children.
Manhole is such a rude word. I'm with the feminists on this one: non-gender-specific holes is far more genteel.
No, no no. This is all connected with the iron and steel shortage in China. Vast amounts of stolen man-hole covers are being illicitly exported to Shanghai by the London branch of the Triads.
The relevant authorities are now replacing them with recycled plastic covers.
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