Monday, October 25, 2004

The Manhole Thieves

Manhole covers are being stolen in Newham. Who are the potential culprits, according to the police?

- Irate feminists insisting that the manholes be renamed personholes.
- Cave-dwelling troglydytes attempting to gather more food.
- Subterranea Britannica on a recruiting drive.
- Jewellers on a hunt for larger, more distinctive "bling"-style meddallions.
- The provisional wing of the Ultimate Frisbee movement.
- Thames Water. Lifting manhole covers consumes valuable time and eats into dividends. This bold initiative would save enough to buy each board member a new golf club.
- The Criminal Underworld. These thefts would make the Underworld much easier to commute from.

21 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think they're hiding the real story: Thames Water are saving money by making their manhole covers out of crushed Digestive biscuits and grey camoflage paint. They're dissolving in the rain, dammit. Without a single thought of the children.

8:13 pm  
Blogger Hypatia said...

Manhole is such a rude word. I'm with the feminists on this one: non-gender-specific holes is far more genteel.

10:18 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, no no. This is all connected with the iron and steel shortage in China. Vast amounts of stolen man-hole covers are being illicitly exported to Shanghai by the London branch of the Triads.

The relevant authorities are now replacing them with recycled plastic covers.

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